i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
