And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
