i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
