there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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