I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am available for nakedness
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
