I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
