you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
