The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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