Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
