I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
