Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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