Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
