Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He shit in the fireplace
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
