I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
