she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
