i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I would fuck him just for his dog
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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