I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
