All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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