there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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