I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
