it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
