he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
