swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
