You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
