just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Randomize
