how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
