Apparently you make a good broom.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
birth control should be required to get into college
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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