So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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