Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
