Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
