Just mADE A PArabola og urine
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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