why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
