I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my being single is dangerous.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
