We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
