Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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