i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
