We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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