If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
