It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
