I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
