I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
