i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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