I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have aggressive nipples.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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