I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
