Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
