So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have post one night stand depression
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
