Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
