I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
