Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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