I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
