i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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