i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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